I’m reading a lot of Byron Katie and consequently shedding a ton of limiting beliefs. I am learning that all I ever have to lose in any given painful situation is the story I have concocted in my head about the situation, and its possible consequences/outcomes. People and events are what they are; life simply is what it is. The words we use to describe it all, however, is a story we have created – not necessarily reality. The reality is an event happened, a person did or said something, and that is that. Whether it becomes a problem or a miracle, a heartbreak or inspiration, is a part of the story we create – as are the resulting thoughts and feelings formulated from this interpretation.
Another lesson I am learning from her work is about the connection between our relationships with others and ourselves. When we find it hard to be by ourselves, it is usually because we find it hard to be alone with our thoughts. Change, examine, and question your thoughts, and you change your relationship with yourself for the better. Your thoughts and feelings are not always true. Paying attention to your thoughts and your feelings and self-correcting as you go is paying attention to yourself, giving yourself the validation you seek but search for elsewhere. Developing good, intimate and meaningful relationships requires that you develop such a relationship with yourself, your thoughts and feelings first. Journaling, meditation, quiet time, personal growth books, creativity etc… can help one get in touch with these things, or at least these are things that have helped me.